Barbarians at the gate

Once I read that people who sleep on their backs have nothing to hide. I only know a few people who can sleep on their backs and they are at once the most honest people I can think of as well as the most genuine. For those people that mentality seems to come naturally, and I don't know if it's because they truly never learned or practiced otherwise or because they have practiced their sincerity so hard over such a time that they now render it effortlessly.

With sports they say that no one person is so lucky that the game comes easily to them, and that even the greatest talent is tempered by years of hard work. On the same note, well-applied diligence seems to make up for a lack of natural proclivities. For some reason I never thought of this angle when I wished I were more straight-forward. I always assumed that was a kind of natural capacity, whereas the self-conscious irony that is so popular today (and that I seem to have cultivated, with or without that intention) was something I imagined as a sharply-honed skill or defensive tactic. As cutting as it may seem, the bounces-off-of-me-and-sticks-to-you mentality still leaves you with a rubber knife. What's more, the truth is that with all the time spent re-seaming and polishing that shield to be stronger, and with all the effort of carrying it around, and with all the thought that goes into rationalizing your reasons for holding onto it, everyone that bears that burden just stumbles a little heavier. If you think about it, it's easier to hold higher ground, where there are fewer attacks in the first place. What now, smart ass?

Sometimes I think that if I just wore myself out enough I could sleep in any position, so really I just need to jog around all day on an hour of sleep and I'll be sure to pass out on my back. But of course that never happens; I just bellyflop into bed and never move from that position. Obviously I'm doing the wrong kind of work, I'm practicing Chinese to be a better pianist or I'm doing yoga to learn about gardening. I'm not sure exactly what my new exercises will entail but I'm sure they'll leave me sore and exhausted, but hopefully lighter and brighter.