Batteries Included

The largest envelope I've ever received in my life came the other day, about 15" by 18". I wish I'd been the one to carry it inside-- no wait, I wish I had a P.O. box that I hauled it out of like Mary Poppins's bag, holding the huge envelope in my teeth while I fished something out of my purse-- but it was waiting for me when I got home from teacher training. Still a fun surprise.

Turns out Georgetown finally mailed me my diploma! (Not their fault on the delay, I'm the one who skipped town for graduation and took my time paying back library fines) I've also been getting teacher exam results back and lots of documentation of certain parts of my training... it's been test/certificate city. Now I just need one that says "You have a job" or "Lottery winner" or "Thank you for discovering that really useful new thing" or "Your anonymous posthumous benefactor is now dead". The possibilities go on.

What sets this Georgetown one apart is that it so typifies the experience you have at Georgetown: A) It has to be one of the world's largest diplomas. I feel silly framing it knowing that it will just make it that much bigger. If we don't have room for it on the wall we may have to install some kind of drop-down display case that lowers from the ceiling at the hit of a discreet button on my enormous mahogany desk. B) In one final act of exclusion, Georgetown has ensured that the regular ol' hoi polloi (myself included) can't actually read my diploma as it is written entirely in Latin.* In fact I wasn't even sure it was mine because one of the few parts I could understand showed that C) I apparently got a Master of Science? I mean, I'm thrilled because I did try to gear my studies more toward the social sciences, but had no idea this is what I was working on. Good one, GU, you really had me going there. I think they may also have had the entire department going there, because we alllllll referred to it as 'the MA program' and whatnot. It's not that I don't agree with keeping this under wraps, I mean it is certainly a pleasant surprise, I just feel like maybe some kind of mysterious carrot could have been offered me as an incentive for pulling through on this-- "Get your diploma and you will get a supriiiiise! Or three.

My real point is that these 'suprises' shouldn't suprise me at all. If you'd have asked me to describe a Georgetown diploma based on my experience there, I'd probably have guessed that it would be ridiculous in size, boring-looking (it's all black lettering except for a gold seal), probably written in some elevated way that no one understands, and involve a little bit of do-it-yourself (it came with a ribbon that I "am permitted" to unstitch, press, and attach to the diploma in one of two ways). It would carry one message and elicit one response:

Georgetown (constantly): "You know this really isn't for you. It's for the school."
Lindsay (constantly): "...Okay. Whatever."

But I'm excited to have it, if only to laminate it and use it as a placemat in teh breakfast nook or perhaps put it down in my classroom to demarcate a certain play area. Just kidding, I am proud of it and find it rewarding as a kind of closure. I do not in any way regret my decision to go there and when I find myself facing the possibility of similar decisions I think that in a way this diploma shows that I can take whatever battery of tests is thrown at me, and that I don't technically need anyone to hold my hand.

*To their credit, they did include a dinky copy of a translation of the Latin. It looks like it is about the 400th time this sheet has been xeroxed, and the paper on which it's printed is really thin. In short, it's a quick explanation to the madding crowd that ensures its own disposal-- and if you don't keep it, the diploma keeps its mystique. Mystifying me while I eat my oatmeal on top of it.